South African coach Mickey Arthur was overjoyed despite his side’s loss to Australia in the third test at Sydney. “Of couse, we lost the battle, but we won the war!” an emphatic Arthur told CKT, while shelving his copy of Rajaji’s Mahabharatam. The mindgames with his Australian counterpart Tim Nielsen had begun even before the series kicked off, with Nielsen laying down his Shakuni-like plans for each South African player. Arthur had laughed it all away, and in the end backed his optimism. “They played an aging Hayden in their side who was really our ally. Look what happened to Bheeshma when he fought for the Kauravas”, he said sagely, demonstrating his wisdom in Indian mythology.

Hayden was, however, unavailable for comment. While the Australian media interpreted his absence as an emulation of his Queensland teammate Andrew Symonds’s fishing trip, Hayden’s manager denied it. “No, Matthew Hayden has not been out catching salmons!”, he thundered exasperatedly in a press conference. When Manas Kulmaddy, an over-enthusiastic CKT reporter tried to point out that Hayden had been out caught fishing outside the off-stump many times over, a couple of hefty bodyguards ushered the puny reporter out of the hall before pounding him with the long handle. “I bet my 80 GB i-Pod and my 180 cc Bajaj Pulsar that those bleddy bodyguards were Hayden and Symonds themselves!” cried a battered Manas, who reiterated his stance that Hayden had indeed made off on a fishing trip. But his story proved to be a red-herring.

Meanwhile media across the globe lauded one of the greatest upstagings in the history of test cricket with punny headlines like “Oz Kay-Oed in the Boxing Day test”, “Graeme pounds Australia in his Smithy” and the like. The Aussie downfall and the South African resurgence were very well received even in the sleepy villages of Tamil Nadu, though K.Periyaswami, the editor of The Aminjikkarai Bugle chose to criticise Ntini for exposing the bruised Smith to face Mitchell Johnson during the last crucial minutes in the final Sydney test. “What to do, ” he said admonishing Ntini’s tomfoolery. “Makkayya Ntini! I don’t know what else to say!”

However, farmers in the TN village of Gummidipoondi have reason to believe that South Africa’s series victory was a foregone conclusion. In a shocking revelation to CKT, Muniamma, Principal Attendant of the Bovine Business Corporation (BBC) at Gummidipoondi said “We sold 50 litres of Meenatchi paal (milk) to them before they left for Australia. We all know how it helped Gaptain Vijaykanth beat Serena Williams and tackle the Pakistani terrorists.“

 

Whether or not Muniamma’s statement is true depends on the outcome of the ODI series, which is scheduled to begin in a few days.

 

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