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The recent attacks on women in a Mangalore pub inflicted by the Ram Sena, the self-proclaimed moral police, whose aim is to beat the devil out of any woman who so much as clips her toe-nail to reveal skin, has sparked off a violent rush of blood from feminists and humanitarians alike. Rumours have it that a clique of strong-willed, cold blooded Andhra women have taken to the sickles forming what has been dubbed unofficially as Sita Sena (SS). CKT reporter Manas Kulmaddy (who incidentally has convalesced rather speedily from a bruised back after an untoward incident at a Cricket Australia press conference) managed to travel to Mangalore on his 180-cc Bajaj Pulsar sporting an OC set of coolers.     

Using his omniscient list of connections (corporate and otherwise), Manas managed to gain entry into the SS Headquarters, headed by a heavily built Manjusha Thillumullu* who agreed to provide CKT with fresh unadulterated information. The following is a transcript of the conversation that took place:

MK: This is not a first for India, female activist groups. What are your goals? Where do you think you stand? Do you think you can take on the men? 

MT: Going forward, everytime a woman is beaten up, the perpetrators will be hunted and will be castrated right before my eyes. Does that answer all your questions?

MK (gulps and recoils) : Yes, ma’m. But how do you think you are going to rally an army of such Extremist women?

MT (wearing an evil smile): Jayalalitha and Sasikala were my second standard classmates in Shri Ramanayakulu Reddy Memorial school in Renigunta… 

MK (staggers): I get your point. Your association with sickles has sent signals that you might be inclined towards the Left. What’s your take?

MT: No, that is not right.

MK: (fires a quick wink at the camera) That’s what I said. 

MT: (stops short of breathing fire) NO, We are NOT Communists!

MK: So, this organisation, Sita Sena is it?

MT: Whoever started the rumour is a foolish bugger! Ram and Sita got along! They were a lawfully and love-fully wedded husband-wife couple! Does it seem like we would want to end up with any of these miscreants?!

MK: Erm, so what do we call you? The Shoorpanakha Sena?

What happened in the next instant caused a near-rehash of the Shoorpanakha incident of Ramayana fame. But we are happy to assure our readers that MK escaped with a minor scratch on his Left ear. 

Staying with attacks by miscreants bent on wrecking havoc on civilian life, a few activists of the Maharashtra Navanirman Sangh (MNS) allegedly stormed into a software company in Mumbai and pelted all PCs with stones. It appears that Raj Thackeray has walked one step further on the road to imbecility by threatening all software engineers in Maharashtra to give up coding in C++ and Java and switch to Marathi, which he believes is NP complete seeing as anyone and everyone can learn it in finite time. A spokesperson for the MNS argued that Marathi is in fact object oriented since it exhibited both State and Behaviour. “We have so many well Behaved Marathis. Look at our own Tendulya. None better than him. And there is a reason why our State is called Maharashtra!”

While CKT can’t argue with that kind of logic, we strictly hold our opinions against coding in Marathi. Manas himself is an SCJP**, while his fellow reporter believes C# is a better language than it is a chord. God bless the programmers.

 

Footnote:

* – Name changed to protect not the interviewee’s identity, but MK’s life and sanity.

** – Sun Certified Java Programmer, for the ignorant.

Disclaimer:

The writers of this blog have immense respect for women. No remark here is meant to belittle, beleaguer or besmirch them. Anything said here is to be taken in the lighter vein, and the authors will not stand any atrocities that might spark off.

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